I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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