anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
