I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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