I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
