I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
