i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
