I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
