u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
