I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
