My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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