booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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