Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
