Hey man sorry I got all grabby
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
