First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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