I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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