is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
