And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
