I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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