Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
