So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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