First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
