your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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