I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
