I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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