So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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