Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
