That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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