peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He better not be in your backpack
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
