God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
