The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
