i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
