You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
