So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
