i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
