why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
