It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
