So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
