dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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