i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
