...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
