we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
