hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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