he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
