Apparently you make a good broom.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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