I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
