it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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