so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
where are you?
Hypothermia
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
