So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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