Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
