Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This baby is an asshole
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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