Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
