I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
