i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
