My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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