he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
