soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
