Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
