drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
